WHAT NEXT???

Well I am not even sure where to start on this today. I know it has been awhile and I need to let some of my thoughts out. I lost another love in my life.. When is this tragedy going to end. On my way into work today I really struggled to fight back all the emotion that I am feeling. I lay in bed and I pray to god for at least a constant 4 hours to try and find some answers as to all of this tragedy... I lost Clint's Aunt Sally on Nov 25Th. She was so awesome. We became such good friends. In my eyes best friends. She came home for grandpa Broberg's funeral and we got even closer. We got grandma ready together to see her bond with her mom that has had dementia for years to watch her put her moms make up on and talk to her was so sweet. How Sally confided to me about things that had happened in her life as a child and as adult. Man she had some very tough times. She was so beautiful her smile was radiant. Her laugh was addicting. Her stories were entertaining. I can say that she was part of my family and that I really think we were as close as a mother and daughter. We would talk on the phone for hours, we would get our frustrations out we would laugh together and much better then all that we would learn more and more about each other every time we talked. I knew she was struggling when she finally reached home in Kerrville, her pain was really bad from traveling, she suffered from fibromalgia. Then I got the phone call that Grandma past away. I called her right away and she answered the phone "Hi there darlink", I new at that moment she didn't know yet. She cried so hard. She said the same thing to me when her dad died "that was my daddy", now "that was my mommy"... I could hear her sadness so much over the phone I wanted to reach in the phone and hold her. She couldn't make it home for her moms funeral, expense wise and also because of her pain. She hide her pain so well to everyone except her husband Bill he new more then anyone could ever imagine. I had talked to her last Saturday and she was crying really hard and she said that she was in alot of pain and that she really wanted Clint and his dad to talk. She was more stern then ever. I asked her if she new something that I should know? She said yes. I asked her if she had talked to Clint's dad she said yes. I said is there something wrong. She said he is sick and so is Lynne. I couldn't believe what she was saying. I can not make my husband do something that he doesn't feel he should do. Clint and his father have not talked for over 2 years. Now that I look back on that conversation I think she was telling me that they were sick but really she was.. I wish that she would of told me that instead. I think she was getting close to telling me that she wanted her life to be over but now I will never know, because she took her life. She took her life away from me, my kids who grew to love her, my husband who grew to love his auntie more then ever and everyone else that loved her. Is this better for her, I will never know.

I lay in bed night after night and I pray I ask the lord to hold my grandma Mayme, Gretta, grandpa and grandma Broberg and now my auntie Sally and my great aunt Gladys. May they have all met in the Lords house and have met each other. They all have something in common they new me...... And I loved them all.